Sci-Fi Do Want: ED-209 from Robocop

It's time to go for another trip down the halls of the sci-fi archives and pick out another "do want" from the crowded shelves, just overflowing with awesome futuristic gadgets and gizmos. After the last entry, which was the rather peaceful Spacing Guild Highliner from the Dune universe I thought it was time to pull out something with a little more punch.
Like maybe three 20mm machine guns. Oh, and a rocket launcher would be sweet.

Well, do I have just the thing for you! I present the mighty mech-like robot "ED-209" of "RoboCop" fame.

Awww, he's so cute when he wants to hug

Yes, it's the Enforcement Droid series 209, the friendly robotic neighborhood policeman available soon(subject to approval, may not happen) near you. Brought to you by your favorite almost non-evil multi-national corporation OCP (Omni Consumer Products).

Back when RoboCop came out in 1987 I was 5 years old and so naturally not at all old enough to watch something as gory and disturbing as the first RoboCop. Fortunately my parents made sure I was protected from watching this movie and spared any potential nightmare inducing trauma. Until the movie was release on VHS a couple of years later and my 6 year older brother got his hand on a copy, that is.

So at around the age of 7 I experienced the wonder of such excellent scenes as a man getting covered in acid, his skin melting on his bones and getting run over by a car, resulting in said melted man exploding all over the windshield of the car.
And some people are concerned about 7 year old kids watching Harry Potter... Please!
Although the recurring nightmares I had for several weeks after, and my crippling fear of getting bathed in acid may somehow indicate that I should have stuck to "The Little Mermaid".

But it did give me a chance to see one of the coolest robots ever to be on the silver screen. Maybe I was just easily impressed as a kid, but ED-209 still stands out to me as one of the most impressive robots I've seen in a movie.

ED-209 is a big and brutal looking robot. In fact, it probably wouldn't feel at all out of place in the Warhammer 40k universe, though it would of course need to be covered with some holy scripts and maybe need a couple of spikes.

OCP CEO not included with purchase

The big bulky head/body of ED-209 has no humanoid features aside from a gaping hole that just makes it look like it's constantly shouting angrily at you(probably telling you to put down the gun that you threw down 30 seconds ago, right before you pissed yourself).
The two clunky arms end in three machine guns, two one on arm and one on the other. The asymmetry of the weapon placement just makes ED-209 look even less elegant and more terrifying.
And of course the reverse knee legs makes it even less human and results in a stomping gait that signals both clunkiness and raw power at the same time (it also signals that it can't walk down stairs without hilarious consequences).

A large part of the menacing image of the ED-209 comes from the initial introductory scene of the robot. A rather unfortunate malfunction sees a boardroom demonstration of this new law enforcement robot turn into an unscheduled dismissal of an OCP executive by machine gun (that's a really shitty severance package if you ask me).

The fact that this robot is being developed by a huge and morally shady corporation, and the intended use is law enforcement is also why I think ED-209 is so great. The sheer absurdity that you would use a 10 feet tall robot equipped with machine guns as a policeman is so dumb that it's great!
Add in the horrible attempts of OCP to present these projects as a fully acceptable and even desirable addition to keeping the peace in society and you have a recipe for great sci-fi movie moments.

Now granted, as aptly demonstrated by RoboCop himself in several movies, the ED-209 is not the ultimate fighting robot. It can be taken out by serious firepower, like the anti-vehicle Cobra assault cannon, or it can be hijacked by kids hacking into its systems.
Also, it has a slight problem negotiating stairs and it's not a big fan of uncovered manholes.

But in terms of being imposing and stomping around, or adding a pinch of full automatic weapons fire to your board meetings, you can't do much better than the ED-209 and that's good enough for me.



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